Resistance to Change

I've been thinking a lot about resistance to change. With working on my own self improvement, I am always so excited about talking with other people about most issues related to it.

And I have found that most people have varied and interesting opinions on certain issues.

And of those people I've talked to, most get really excited for a while, but then it fizzles. And the next day, next week, etc., they've given up. It seems that their resistance to change takes over and eats up their enthusiasm and joy.

All their great hopes for personal development are dashed where once they were motivated and inspired to improve themselves.

What's so appealing about resistance to change, anyway?

I always feel sad when people who complain about their lives and are genuinely unhappy fail to make even little changes to improve themselves and their situation. It's not anyone's place to change anyone but providing support and encouragement we can all do, but even with it, so many people give up on what they want and who they want to be.

I have some ideas as to why resistance to change is so prominent. If anyone is resisting change, even if they're complaining about their current circumstance and are unhappy, this might help pinpoint the reasons why.

First, I think the fear of the unknown can be tremendous, even if the unknown is much, much better than the known. People who resist change most likely believe the idea that the enemy you know is better than the stranger that you don't know, even if that stranger turns out to be one of the most wonderful people you could ever meet.

Second, it's the idea that some people have that if you change one thing, you must change everything. That old saying, "Don't throw the baby out with the bath water," really should apply here. You obviously don't need to keep the used bath water, but the baby, you keep. While it's true that there is a cause and effect to actions in life, the good things in someone's life shouldn't go away when you improve upon the bad. In fact, they should be enhanced. More of the good and less of the bad. People who show resistance to change are often so worried that everything good in their lives will also change.

Third, habits are hard to break. And how we cope with things in our lives that are bad become a habit. The job they hate, the hours of complaining to a sympathetic friend, going to social events that they don't want to attend, keeping everyone but themselves happy, etc. That's all a habit. Breaking these types of habits would allow for more space for more worthwhile things and people, but it can be scary to think again of the unknown. If they stop attending the work functions that they hate on Thursday evenings, what will they do on Thursdays instead? For some people keeping busy overrides keeping authentic and being happy. No wonder they accept resistance to change because resisting change is embracing the status quo, even if it's a bad one.

Fourth, past failures can weigh heavily on someone's motivation. This type of learned helplessness can be so damaging to someone's happiness because people will think that just because they failed at something before, or didn't achieve what they wanted before, that this will automatically happen again. This is a big one when it comes to reasons why people resist change. It's the, "Why bother?" attitude. You can see how damaging this is by imagining a world where every said this. While it's true that sometimes you have to admit defeat and that quitting is not always a bad thing, feeling like you are bound to fail just because it's happened before can be very debilitating.

Fifth, peer pressure can be overwhelming. And I'm not talking about teenage peer pressure. Even with adults, it can be very toxic and stifling. Mediocrity is embraced by most people and when some people see others moving beyond it, they become fearful of their own shortcomings and sometimes deal with it by encouraging people not to move forward as way of feeling better about themselves. By mediocrity, I mean people who don't do their best, don't feel good about how they life, where they live, who they associate with and never strive to appreciate how great life is and how much more it and they could be. They're always taking the shortcuts, doing things in halves, never helping, suffer from tunnel vision and ridicule those who are willing to try healthy and positive things. These relationships need to be re-examined, especially if they're co-workers or acquaintances who are taking up someone's time just for the sake of filling it. With loved ones, a gentle approach is needed because they might just be scared of losing you, so they might need some re-assuring.

As it is, change is difficult, so it's no wonder that there is resistance to it. Sometimes, though, people can benefit even from small changes. It's important,too, to realize that not everyone is willing to change, even if they complain about a situation. And of course, you can't change everything, as the Serenity Prayer goes: "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference." --Reinhold Niebuhr

All the best,

Amanda

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