How I Got Unstuck

(One of my 'stories'.)

I'll keep this brief. Basically, for reasons I don't yet understand I got 'stuck' a few years ago - emotionally stuck. My 'stuckness' happened after the ending of (another) long-term relationship, but I'm sure that there were more contributing factors than that.

The fact is I was 'stuck', whatever the reasons why.

Actually, I didn't know I was stuck at first. I tried to forge new romantic relationships, more or less straight away, but I was unable to. The women always ended up being 'wrong' for me - too fat (forgive my honest bluntness, here) or too keen, or not keen enough, or too beautiful or too plain or... Whatever the reason, it didn't take me long to find something wrong with the woman and, in less than a couple of months, it would be "Next!"

This sorry state of affairs lasted for several years. Sorry? Well I guess I really wanted to be in a relationship - though, again, I'm not entirely sure whether my reasons for wanting this were altogether healthy ones.

So how did I get unstuck, then? What magic occurred that let me start to take risks again in a new relationship?

Well, I think it's a combination of things though I am not absolutely sure.

Firstly, throughout the five years I was 'stuck' I was constantly trying to work out what was wrong, was reading self-help book after self-help book for guidance. Yes, I was working on myself, making small improvements in terms of personal insight and in terms of action taken.

Secondly, and this is the main reason, I think, I decided to take a big risk in another aspect of my life - my professional life. After twenty years of putting off writing a novel - to me, this represented a major life-achievement - I actually started writing. I ended up working only part-time to make space for this writing, writing that lasted a whole year.

I started writing without knowing what the heck I was going to write about, and I carried on writing even when the book turned out to be deeply personal and, dare I say, 'odd'. The important thing for me, here, was that I both *started* AND finished the book; finished to my satisfaction at least.

I guess I started something without worrying about whether I would fail or not.

Other things happened that year (2007), too, to help my transformation from 'stuck man' to man willing to take risks in personal relationships again, but I think writing my book was the main reason I got unstuck.

So does this story have a happy ending? Did my book get published? Am I getting married soon?

Well, I got unstuck.

And I started (and finished) a project that I've been putting off for years (and I now have an appetite for more such BIG challenges).

So, yes, I think it's a happy ending - whether my book gets published or not, and whether or not my new relationship ends up being "the one". I believe that I've transformed myself into a 'can do' person, a man that can. Everything else is just details...

That's it, that's my story. I'm sure it won't be appearing on YouTube too soon, but I feel better about myself than I ever have done. I have an appetite for life and, by definition, an appetite for risk. And it feels great.

(Ooops, I said I was going to keep this brief. D'oh!)

Yours,
SMN