Breaking Up: How to move on once your relationship is over

Breaking up with someone whom you love can be a very painful and very traumatic experience.

Everyone who has been through heartache knows that as painful and devastating break ups can be, things can and do get better.

Time is usually the best remedy, but there are things you can do to help yourself get over the most difficult moments.

Sometimes breaking up with someone can be a blessing in disguise, but you may not see that right away. And so, we have listed a few simple steps to help you overcome the difficulty of breaking up.

Do one step at a time, stay there as long as you feel is necessary and then move on to the next step. With time, you’ll notice yourself feeling better.

Step 1: Allow Yourself Time to Grieve One of the worst things you can do to yourself is to tell yourself that you’re fine when you’re not. It’s best to take time now to deal with the enormity of your feelings so that you can eventually let them go.

If you need a week on the couch watching sad movies and looking through photo albums, then take it and know that this is your grieving period. It’s perfectly normal and essential in your recovery. And yes, if you feel the need to throw things across the room in your moments of anger and frustration, do it now.

Step 2: Don’t Believe That You Can be Friends, at Least Not For Now. Oftentimes, your ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend will suggest that you stay friends with them. This is great for them but not so good for you. They alleviate a lot of guilt from breaking up with you, but this will prevent you from moving on.

As hard as it is, you must stop all contact with them. Don’t be manipulated into arguments saying that you’re being childish or selfish. You’re experiencing something that is very difficult and you must do what it takes to move on. Delete them from your phone and email, take down the framed photographs and dump the dried roses. Just do it. It will amaze you how much easier it’ll be on you to not be reminded of them all the time.

If you do want to be friends with your ex, do it later when enough time has passed that all feelings for your ex are gone, preferably when you’re in a fabulous new relationship.

Step 3: Talk to Someone Friends are invaluable when it comes to break ups. If you’re lucky enough to have found at least two really great friends, then you already know that that’s who you should be talking to when you’re feeling down.

Just be careful to not dump on your friends too much. You should expect them to be sympathetic but if, after several months, you’re not making much progress, you should perhaps seek a professional to talk to. Often, this is the best recourse for a lot of people as you get a 100% outsider’s point of view who can really help you to see a clearer picture of where you are and where you want to be.

If you don’t have really great friends, or don’t want to go to a therapist, then look to step 4 to help you further.

Step 4: Get Involved in Something New Getting involved in a new activity will always open you up to a whole new world of people and possibilities which is often the best cure for a broken heart.

Look around your community, take a walk in your city and look for something to join! Write down five things you’re interested in and then get creative about how you could do them. If you like reading, join a book group, if you like walking, join a walking club.

There are many clubs for you to join and if you like to travel, there are endless places for you to go. The point is to re-awaken your senses and get interested in life again. You’ll find yourself feeling happy again and that’s a huge improvement from where you’ve been.

Step 5: Allow a Relapse Everyone has days where something or someone reminds you of your ex and it’s perfectly natural for your mind to wander and for you to feel a certain melancholy over your lost relationship.

Know that it’s perfectly normal for you to feel this way once in a while after breaking up. If this starts to happen frequently, then you’ll want to re-visit these steps and give yourself some more time.

Many of us want to heal over night. It would be so much easier to look on our calendars and announce, “Hey everyone today is the day that I’m over him/her. Thank goodness that’s over,” than to feel the anguish that we do. It doesn’t work that way. Be kind to yourself.

You’ve been told before that it takes time to heal a broken heart, but it also takes a healthy dose of self esteem to believe that you deserve better and that you deserve to feel good again.

Decide now that you are worth being happy again.

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